border ballad 1

Funeral cars exist.

Funeral cars and ventilated autopsy tables exist.

There are tiny pink sponges for wetting someone’s mouth when they can no longer drink.

Hoists exist.

Hoists and mortuary fridges exist.

There are coffins and caskets of wicker and cardboard and marble.

There are eye caps and formaldehyde-based chemicals:

Glutaraldehyde, methanol, ethanol, phenol, water, and dyes exist.

There are rowan trees and lilies, and plaques and benches.

There are candles and weeping willows and buzzards circling overhead.

There are incontinence pads and memorial books.

And tributes. Tributes exist.

Tributes and removal trollies. And robins who visit when the earth is freshly turned.

There are grave markers, grave vases, and black umbrellas.

Donation boxes exist.

Bedpans and morphine and feeding tubes exist.

There are z beds for relatives and ribbons and leaflets.

There are leaflets and there are thank you cards and small teddies on reception desks.

Pureed meals brochures exist.

Pureed and minced meals brochures exist.

Pureed cheese omelette. Pureed turkey and pureed fish in parsley sauce exist.

There are shower chairs and commodes and people called Tina who use your first name even when you can no longer hear it or even recognise it as yours anymore.

Phone calls happen

And there are unexpected guests and uninvited guests. And waiting.

Waiting exists. And silences.

There are looks exchanged and words unspoken, and implications understood.

There are vigils and votives.

There are incomplete goodbyes and bad goodbyes.

Not saying enough or not saying things right occurs.

Not being able to manage the phone calls anymore occurs.

Mary Elizabeth Frye, Dylan Thomas, W H Auden, Christina Rosetti exist.

Frank Sinatra, Robbie Williams, Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, and Eric Idle exist.

There are ice chips and pale beakers and small silver bowls of ice-cream.

There is patience and anticipation and questions about priorities.

Certificates and registers and wills and words discovered never meant to be read.  And bank accounts. There are bank accounts and passwords and condolences.

There are log in details and house clearances.

And elasticated body covers and keep sakes, ID bracelets and post-mortem twine.

There are corridors and google searches for ‘sound of death rattle audio’. And there is turning cold.

Turning cold exists.

And sorrow.

And kindness.

There is sorrow and there is kindness.

Sorrow exists.

Sorrow exists.